Japan Diary: March 20th (2010) [Part 1/2]

Read the story from the beginning HERE (From the bottom of the page.)

Saturday 20th “A trip to a bridge, which lead to awkward and beyond”
This is the day I’ve often later told to friends and family in an edited version. I don’t think I’ve felt ashamed, but maybe I knew that what happened didn’t really live up to people expectations and it certainly wouldn’t be used as input for the perfect romantic movie. Though, back then I told the truth to my diary and I’ll tell the truth on this blog as well. Maybe it’ll make a good laugh.

The next morning I certainly didn’t feel refreshed when it came to sleep, but my weird hope regarding Hiro and I felt revived for some reason. I went to the living room and Hiro was up as he promised. I could hear a strong wind flowing around the house. Hiro told me that the flea market was postponed until tomorrow, so we decided to discuss what to do instead. Hiro suggested some kind of bridge located in the mountains around a two-hour drive away. It wasn’t like I had better plans myself.

In the car I felt no progress at all and we didn’t speak much either – except when I discovered a spider in my side of the car, which resulted in Hiro having to pull the car over and come and get it. The hope concerning us I had felt this morning was already dwindling.  Like always, we drove though a lot of areas with beautiful, countryside scenery. Tall mountains, interesting houses and numerous rice fields. Then we finally arrived to our destination. Mountains surrounded us and in between them, making a passage located several kilometres above ground was an elegant bridge.

I was happy that heights had never been an issue for me. After having crossed the bridge, there was a small path that took us on a 2 kilometres walk along uneven terrain, over several small bridges and water streams. We were once again alone and “the other Hiro” seemed to wake up. He started to put his arm around me and played with my hair.

We sat down on a bench and if I hadn’t noticed it myself, Hiro pointed out the fact that there were no people around.

“It’s your chance!”

“Chance for what?” I asked, even though I kind of knew the answer to this repeated joke.

“It’s your chance to kiss me.”

“Well, … it’s your chance as well.” I said and made a laugh, even small children would categorize as fake.

We looked at each other, waited for the other person to make a move, but we knew that wait would turn out way too long so we got up and kept on walking. Hiro put his arm around my waist; first I playfully showed it away, but in the same action I got a grip of his hand and let my fingers tangle up with his. He didn’t seem unpleased with this outturn, so we kept on walking like that until the small path ended and we were among other people around. We returned to the now overheated car to rest and then suddenly things were happening a lot faster than I could ever predict.

“What do you wanna do?” Hiro asked and looked out the window.

I turned my face in his direction, a bit surprised about the question since I thought we were on our way home.

“I don’t know” I answered and once again turned my face away.

“Wanna have sex?” Hiro asked in an emotionless voice.

The question startled me and I desperately tried to pull out yet another fake laugh. This question was surely a step up from the other suggestive things he had asked me the past two weeks, but I still couldn’t imagine him being serious about this.

“I kind of think this is the wrong place” I said, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Do you know love hotels? It’s a place you can go for like 2 hours.”

I turned my head to face Hiro, who had leaned his seat back and was looking straight at me. I searched his face for hints of an upcoming laugh or smile, which would reveal the fact that this was just another joke, but his eyes kept their gaze and he looked at me with a serious look. His hand reached out for my hair, which he once again started touching, while I blankly starred at a spot between the car window and his face. He once again opened his mouth and continued.

“It’s not possible for us to kiss or have sex at the house, while my parents are around. They would become furious if they found out that I was fooling around with a precious homestay student. But, … if we went to a love hotel…”

He was serious and my brain officially had a melt down. I sat up straight in the car seat and looked out the windshield, I looked into nothingness. I sat like that for a while, without saying anything. I wasn’t debating whether I should say yes or no, rather how I should accept his suggestion and still keeping my dignity intact. I didn’t like things were moving this fast, up until now I had hoped for a kiss and then we could take things from there. But, if I said no now, I might not get the chance to move any further. I did feel sure of my physical interest in him, my body had certainly given me lots of signs of that the past week or so.

“What are you thinking” Hiro asked and interrupted my flow of desperate thoughts.

Nothing, I’m blank” I lied.

“You’re probably thinking, “No way, Hiro” or something”.

 “No. Actually I wasn’t”

“Really? Then… should we find a hotel?” Hiro asked with a relieved voice.

Thousand of thoughts flew through me head. I wanted an innocent kiss and now I had to accept a sex invitation to get it? Well, it’s not like I expect anything serious to happen between us anyway. Hiro was looking straight at me and his question was still hanging in the air. I took some deep breathes, searched my brain for a decent answer, but all that managed to get out of my mouth was “iiyo” (fine).

“Really? So we’ll go?”

I nodded, kept my blank gaze directed towards the windshield. Was I going to regret this?

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